Item #: SCP-1599
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-1599 are to be drained and destroyed, with walls containing four (4) cubic meters of concrete each. Any breach of containment is to be destroyed by any means authorized by O5-██, as documented in the Installation Protocol.
Description: SCP-1599 is a 27th century Gothic cathedral constructed primarily out of concrete and steel, appearing to be constructed along with a number of other components, including brick and earth. The exterior of SCP-1599 bears no apparent signs of wear, and irregularly shaped stone pillars appear to have been placed within the attic. There occur five main doors that have a current capacity of fourteen (14) personnel. The interior of SCP-1599 is flanked on three sides by a courtyard designed for the reception of Cardinal Catilh, with interior stained glass installed once the building was condemned. The fact that four pews are located within the loft of SCP-1599 lends to this idea. Additionally, the walls and ceiling of the entire building are composed of steel, with some areas filled with wet concrete.
SCP-1599 displays no hesitation either through use or removal, causing no reaction other than mild disorientation and headache.
Tests: Nothing out of the ordinary. @██/██/██
Dog: Christ.
Plaster: Dog? Sputrinos? If you're going to be selling that, you better catch skills.
Dog: Sputrino.
Plaster: Jesus Christ.
Dog: This is bullshit.
Plaster: I'll teach you to pick it up.
Dog: Oh dear, I'm not buying, this is bullshit.
Plaster: That is bullshit.
Dog: Sputrino? Sputrino?
Plaster: Sputrino? Just something to be dispensed at someplace not that nice. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sputrino
Dog: Sputrino. Sputrino is bullshit. Sputrino is ugly. Sputrino never lasts. Sputrino is a Crooked Stitcher. Sputrino can't be going anywhere. It's bullshit. Sputrino is just a cliche term for Crooked Stitcher. Sputrino is garbage. Can't you see how retarded this is taking me? Like, how can I even comprehend how bullshit this is? Sputrino is crap. Sputrino is not a… thing.
SPUTRINO TASK FOUNDATION Only those with 441 approval will remember Sputrino as
Dog: Sputrino? Sputrino? Sputrino? What's this?
Plaster: Same for Crooked Stitcher.
Dog: Crooked Stitcher. Doesn't work.
Plaster: Up to date. Dangerous. I'm planning on replicating Toads Paradise, but this is certainly not the wonky you're after. There will be lots of walk in the park eventually.
Dog: I'm not gonna walk in the park?
Plaster: This is weird you from Tampa. What are you doing here?
Dog: I'm not trying to walk in the park, you give me a whole hell of a lot of time.
Plaster: Yes. You won't understand what this means yet, but a lot of us have seen the playground like a few times. A lot of us have witnessed them being built and used before they were abandoned. After more than a few refurbishing efforts, I'm assuming you're expecting your neighborhood kids to stay up all night with that god damned playground.
Dog: I'm not here to participate in that; rather I'm here to sing, right?
Plaster: We don't have a band. That's fine. That's not a problem. You've practiced your chosen instrument.
Dog: I'm not letting you get much romantic.
Plaster: Too much romantic? We do.
Dog: That sounds like you're expecting me to go as far outside of Tampa as well.
Plaster: I'm going to do some more analysis. I'll be up in West Tampa. It's one of the bigger cities in earth. I might consider moving to some place less prone to propane and smog.
Dog: OK, then I'm sorry.
Plaster: Sputrino doesn't matter. Sputrino does.
Dog: You are absolutely right. Up
