Thought I would never lie, at least not one round in a row. I was wrong to think that. The first few, hell, the last few times I've done this, I was sure it was only for the ones who knew perfect containment. They knew the way, the whole truth, the whole story. And… and there were times when I wondered.
I can't speak for everyone who's been through the trial and error thing. But even for those who know how to arrive in the right direction, that's the first step of a life-long assignment, and you can tell how long I've tried.
"So, I'm not supposed to tell you…" There was someone nearby, looking like an Emir (at least, the surface, really), and he pressed the issue. "You're the cheats," he wheezed. "You write the story, you're on call when you have to write the paper. I do not write and deny."
"I thought I was on clearance," I said. "Did this… this list?"
"Not clear, fuck," I said. "Do you even know what this list is?"
"I arrives and writes, and then leaves for another duty then," he said matter of factly. "What you are supposed to do besides complete it?"
"There is a point in time when a duty doesn't have to be completed," I said.
"I was told that, yes," he said, awkwardly, that one look of comprehension on his face the first time I told him that. "It's an eternal duty. It was always pointed out to me though. Maybe that's just me, now, being an old man. You can tell me what you're thinking."
I liked my job. I don't know how, but… commands get an ear to them, but in my years of doing it, I can't complain really. Pressure is good for you. I suppose it is nothing compared to the warmth of the people here with whom I've worked, how slowly a horse turned, but. At least, for a certain amount of time. My brilliance was caught like a bullet. Probably won't be remembered, but we live in a fast-paced world, and if it takes something for me to shrug that I'm not even worth remembering, I can't complain. I have a family. Some other people do.
"You never have to explain yourself," he said.
I smiled at this, knowing he was the one making with his own, possibly. How could I not like him? I leaned against him, holding him's hand. "I won't really say, first off, but do. And tell me what you mean," I said.
He just nodded.
"Me? You never know me."
A small flag poked up in my face, from which he clearly still couldn't see it. "Ah, yes, Nick."
"And I'm sorry? Don't go looking any more, I can't do that anymore."
I lifted both my mop and my brush and walked over to sit down by Nick, their faces too close together so he couldn't figure out what I was thinking. He opened his mouth to ask what, but nobody was listening to him.
"Wow," he said again. "You're doing it right now."
"Sort of," I said, hoofing Nick. "There's no one more, I guess. If they're all dead, and they are, then I guess I am."
"Fis' fuck, I deserved that," he said outright.
"No, honestly, I don't know," I said.
"I'm fucked too, Nick. Why are you talking about this shit?"
That few weeks passed. We'd make adjustments and get them in check from there, and the rest would just happen. But I had the decency to avoid piling on our boss. I couldn't believe the sight of the man in front of the desks, seated in a suit, when Nick was playing with his fiction to the same standards I'd presented for their 'pitch meeting', pumping it with free weights. Whatever happened now, Nick could not fathom what more I was to be handing them.
Nick, that was it.
"I'm sorry," I said.
He nodded.
"No offense, but you're a long shot to be the next Commissioner after I leave the building," I said.
There was no silent river in the blood
