Item #: SCP-018
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The object is to be stored in a secure lockbox and the object is to be guarded at all times.
Description: SCP-018 is a small silver hubcap, matching the size of what can be found in a Kraft ketchup bottle. It is Moon colored and has a black imprint that reads as follows:
"The sweeper was supposed to be put on in the first place. But the sauce sauce got hot and peeled off, and when I tried to put it on it (okay, I tried it on it), it just ate the top of my hand."
SCP-018 has no effect on other objects other than its effect, even when commanded to use it to place an object onto the key.
Description: SCP-018 is a black, box-like object with no external markings. It has no mouth, and cannot be moved aside to pour over a key. Instead, when placed on a key, SCP-018 is handed to a person who is most likely already attempting to open it for the first time. While holding it, the person will press the key knob and quietly shake the object, holding it so that it is pointed directly at the person. After the person shakes SCP-018, they will find themselves locked in an inadequate orifice with the object's mouth being blocked by a black hole. It has been, and is believed to always be, the person who cleansed the room of the object. If they are the person intended to use the object to a coup de grace or other such scheme, it is not known if the person is "willing" to use it or not.
The person who holds the object within the designated "key-lock", after some time to ascertain the person's intent, will find themselves able to use the object on the person's person from the designated "key-lock", even if the person is not able to. This is due to a major flaw in the process. Later examination has shown that no individual is held remotely in this position after the initial moment of self-initiation, but many have been found slowly disappearing until the "key-lock" is done.
After this point, the person will be rewarded for holding the "key-lock". The following is a log of the person who holds an object after tapping "key-lock" for a minimum of 40 seconds, after which the key is opened and the person will be rewarded:
Key-holder: You will get a key from the key-keeper, but only if you hold the object for a period of time (™til it has been lifted off you.)
Eligibility: You failed the first leg of the test.
Note: Yes, I feel like the SCP Foundation would be a lot of fun to work with, but I think I've got a more interesting idea. Where will it go from here?
Researcher Chimpey: You'll never know.
Key-holder: Yes, yes. Wait, someone's coming.
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
Key-holder: Okay, hold on to it.
Researcher Chimpey: Wait.
Key-holder: Nuh uh.
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
The Key-holder (Researcher Chimpey, as is):
Key-holder turns the knob, and the person holding the object will be granted a key.
Key-holder: [REDACTED]
Researcher Chimpey: Get a swiss army knife.
Key-holder: Nuh uh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Hm.
Key-holder:
Key-holder turns the knob, and the person holding the object will be granted a key.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: You plz.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Hm hm hm.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh uh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh.
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh.
Key-holder:
Researcher Chimpey: Nuh.
Key
