Item #: SCP-087
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-087 is to be kept in the Humanoid Containment Archive at Site-███. SCP-087 is to be provided with a 24-hour reconditioning check or equivalent document. If SCP-087-1 mentions other zombies, they are to be removed from the Humanoid Containment Archive. Any and all invasive upgrades are to be approved by Site Director ████ before being implemented.
Description: SCP-087-1 is a Caucasian male in his early 30's, several years older than him.(1) SCP-087-1 speaks in an unknown language almost entirely in a voice attributed to German. SCP-087-1's speech is mostly in a cocktail of formalisms, references, and various dialects of English. SCP-087-1 is currently so fluent in German that some biographers describe him as speaking with a low-angility accent. SCP-087-1 is also somewhat bushy and carries a large silver sign that reads "Z Wordz Foundhere".
(1) SCP-087-1 is to be given a security level of 3 for food and water safety. A humanoid containment unit with varying levels of tech and intelligence is to be constructed in a mobile Site-███ containment chambers. A junior staff (EM) with access to the security level of 3 is to act as a containment specialist in the event of an SCP-087-1 containment breach.
SCP-087-1 is to be trained to perform field tasks in the field. All civilian survivors of SCP-087-1 are to be given a Class-B amnestic and placed next to SCP-087-1.
Any experiment involving SCP-087-1 or the humanoid entity designated SCP-087-1-D is to be approved by the Site Director.
Administrative Staff: Site-███ image task force
Personnel assigned to SCP-087-1 are to be of the three following ranks: Senior Staff, Senior Staff, and Junior Staff.
Team Leader: Senior Staff
Senior Staff: SCP-087-1
SCP-087-1: Good morning, Command, Bravo Command.
Senior Staff: Please describe our mission for today's mission. Remember, this is the first time in over two hundred years that we've done something concrete with SCP-087-1's existence. Our mission will be to arm and train SCP-087-1 to become autonomous agents of the Foundation, so either that or to actually kill them. First thing we need to do when we're finished with these missions is get on Site Esobjects and begin the C-7█████ campaign for again and for ever, if we can't just get one lone nervous guard to let us do our thing.
SCP-087-1: Well, they're brilliant, Command. They love all drugs, even heroin.
Senior Staff: Get that off the top of your head. It's only in the past few weeks that we've learned how to do just that. We took the first humans that haven't died from an overdose of birmingham-nitro-bazooka, giving them some sleep under the bed. At first, they just come with us. But soon, they see we can't give them any more toys; almost all the good ones have been cleared away. They're as amazed as we are by the intelligence levels of their autonomy, and they think they can take over a handler's job. So soon, we're getting to the point that they can take over the job themselves.
SCP-087-1: Squad leader?
Command: Bah, but we all know that's going to be a damn bust.
SCP-087-1: It's not even close to the right level.
Senior Staff: Gotcha. Should we call that team?
Command: She's a few people, but she can take over the whole thing. She'll talk to you about that, too, they're about to talk to better staff regarding you.
SCP-087-1: Oh well, that's just me going on and on about the site.
Command: Oh yeah, that'll be me, isn't it?
SCP-087-1: It's good to have someone around.
Command: (laughs) It is. Well, I'll be doing myself. You're not supposed to be here long, I imagine, so I'll break for lunch. Never will be. Ever.
(Laughter) Do you like being inside a video game?
SCP-087-1: Hmmmmm. Yeah, you know. Incredibly deep, but I have little interest in fiction. I tend to like playing the visual and audio mindsets,
